It’s an
interesting thing being single, especially after being a bit of a serial
monogamist myself. It’s almost as though you start to view the world from the
outside in.
I have a
single girl friend that used to say to me, ‘there are so many people in the
world we haven’t even met yet’. It’s safe to say I didn’t do the math. A part of me took it on board the other part
went and jumped straight into another relationship.
After
recently going on my first solo adventure travelling overseas, I started to see
just how many people I hadn’t even met yet. I know it’s logical and I can’t
possibly meet them all but I thought; how about I try and open myself up to the
opportunity of meeting someone for the very first time? Hell, why don’t I try it on a daily basis?
Most of us don’t even realise how we are surrounded by; amazing, inspiring,
creative, funny, intellectual human beings every single day.
My final
destination on my trip was Mykonos/ Greece. As I waited for my driver to
collect me from my hotel I felt so emotional, I didn’t want to leave all this.
It was more than the sun, sand, parties, it was the people. It was the fact
that so many people that I had met for the very first time were willing to help
me, to take me in, to appreciate me for being me and they didn’t have to but
they chose to.
What I
realised then was I didn’t have to be in Greece to experience this; I didn’t
have to be on holidays to meet people for the very first time. What was
stopping me from experiencing all this in my very home town? So when I arrived
back home I decided I had a choice. I could either sit back, watch my routine
life go by, or I could be present in my life and actually start to live it.
Yes my
new frame of mind had me making some interesting decisions that I may not have
previously made. But if I didn’t take
the risk then I wouldn’t ever know if it was a good or bad decision. And as long as I could learn something from
the experience then how bad of a decision could it really be?
Not
being in a relationship makes you start to question and think about what you
really want out of one? Do you want one? Although I may not be in a monogamous
relationship my life is made up of them, so many different scales and degrees
of relationships; family, work colleagues, friends. When I think about how much
time I’d like to dedicate to all the different facets of my relations I don’t
think I’d even have time for a monogamist relationship. Obviously I have done
this in the past but the thing is by dedicating more time and effort into a
relationship it’s bound to have an effect on the others.
It’s
interesting how the mind works, yes It’s what we do, it’s what we’ve done for
years but why do we do it?; Lots of reasons; friendship, companionship,
intimacy, love and children. I see many people in mediocre relationships; they
choose to carefully select a significant other that they dedicate most of their
time and attention too and even though their situation changes along with their
happiness, they stay.
You may
think I’m a cynic, slightly crazed but really I just like to think outside of
the square and as a mentor once pointed out to me, the square doesn’t even
exist. So why not think beyond everyday thoughts? I’d like yours.
This weekend away for my work Christmas dinner, further questions were raised around the ideals of relations and my ‘single’ status. I was told I “needed a man” by one a male. A female acquaintance asked about my ‘partner’ I let her know I no longer had one. The response I got was “how old are you?”, “27” I replied. “Don’t worry you still have time” she said, then the friend perked up too “oh I don’t know we had kids at 25”. Meanwhile I’m thinking; hold up, stop the beat a minute I got something to say! I responded quite calmly; “I’m enjoying my life, yes I’d love to have kids one day but it’s not my sole purpose, I’m not going to rush into having them, find myself a partner because there’s an expiration date. I’m going to live my life with purpose and it will happen if it’s meant too”. I didn’t get much response to that. It didn’t really bother me because I’m happy. But what I find amusing is that they think it’s okay to judge my lifestyle, yet I would never dream of doing the same to them, if they’re happy with their; husbands, lovers, kids then good for them! As long as what they are doing isn’t compromising the happiness of others then, good on them. My goal is to be unapologetically me.
A male friend of mine arrived at the bar my work colleagues and I were at. He was with his girlfriend whom I hadn’t met before, the introduction I received was “Erin I know you don’t like to meet girlfriends but this is... (insert name here). Firstly if I truly appreciate and care about someone in my life then I want to meet their significant other, their children, their parents, their dog, you name it. Lucky I have thick skin because this insult was just adding to my night. Due to the debauchery of an introduction I did everything in my power to make this lady feel comfortable, I mean I’m talking Oscar performance. Because I actually cared about how she was feeling.
The
thing is just because I’m single; it doesn’t mean I want your boyfriend. I didn’t
want him when I had one and I don’t want him now. I appreciate male and female
relationships. I’ve even put myself on a ‘man drought’ don’t get me wrong I love
me some man but I don’t need it for breakfast, lunch and dinner! Oh no I didn’t,
yes I did! Did I mention I’m funny too? I’m on a journey of self discovery and I
don’t want to blur my happiness by adding someone else to the equation, for the
meantime anyway.
I just
want to remove the question mark from ‘single and fabulous?’ and add that
exclamation mark in bold. I ask, next time you go to judge that single friend
or stranger, how bout you don’t, how about you just enjoy them for being them?
Below: Some of the fabulous women i spent my weekend with.
x Erin
